I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
