I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
