Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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