Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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