I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
