don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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