Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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