Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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