Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
