This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
