He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
