She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
