You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
