Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
