I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
