you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
