i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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