Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
