I heard we made out
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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