drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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