we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
