All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
