try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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