Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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