Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
