Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
