I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
