I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
