I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
