if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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