the condom got lost in my hair
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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