dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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