I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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