I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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