marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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