he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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