nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
