i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
