It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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