you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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