dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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