Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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