2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Im part way to drunk.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
