Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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