You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My pussy is not your playground.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
