Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
