I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
