and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
