I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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