She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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