I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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