im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My penis needs a shock collar
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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